Hit and Miss

I finally spoke to R last night - only to discover that X is hopelessly straight. This has thrown me into a deep funk. Why are all the nice guys straight and the shrieky self-obsessed ones gay ? This is not sexist stereotyping. It is based on a series of awful experiences. I am trying not to make this piece a diatribe against gay pakistani men, but i fear it is headed in that general direction.

First things first. Gay Pakistani Men (GPM) are obsessed by their sexuality. I agree that sexuality is an important part of one's being. But there is a life beyond it. Things matter beyond who does (or doesn't) get you a hard-on. Then, there's the shrieky school of Pakistani sexuality. I am not a sociologist, but I get the feeling that many of my GPM friends spend a great deal of time wanting to be women or generally borrow what they perceive as feminine traits. The end result is a rehashed queen based on stereotypes borrowed from popular American television. Camp can actually be quite funny if done well (like the guys on Queer as Folk) but it can be painful if it is done badly. It is done very badly indeed over here. Third (and this one is boring but true) is the ungodly obsession with sex. I have all the time in the world for someone in the closet who is obsessive about sex quite simply because he doesn't get ...or because he doesn't get enough. I despair of GPM's (and there are many) for whom life is a series of dates. It is essentially a fast food theory (disposable men ? ) that is applied to real life. I do not want a MacLay with a side order of french fries. Fourth: I detest the ghetto lifestyles that GPM's invariably lead. My gay friends have gay parties, gay outings, gay trips to the beach, gay drinking sessions. You bring one straight person into the equation and you are met with stony stares or outright hostility. Yes, I agree that there are times when it is comforting to not have to deal with heterosexuals. But every day ?

So there you have a recipe for disaster. Sex obsessed, ghettoised,shrieky and xenophobic. Not nice. Not nice at all. I confess to trashing a few intelligent, well adjusted men in the process, but they are few and far between and they are bright enough to understand that they do not fall in the broad brush strokes I have given above.

So much for articulating the problem. Where does the solution lie ? Well, it would be great if gay men were to spend a little more time in the "real" world- preferably a world which includes women. And by women I mean more than the token fag hags/gal pals who act as satellites to GPM. As for sexuality obsession, its time to take a major chill pill. Yes, we all know (or gleefully suspect) that you are gay. You pick your friends for their powers of perception and we have perceived you are gay. We choose not to tell you because we respect you or love you or do not wish to embarass or "out" you. So can you stop being so anal about your sexuality ? (Pun intended). As for role models, the shrieky queen was invented in the west as either an anarchic aberration or a male variant of the Judy Garland-Barbara Streisand kind of gal. While she carries no copyright she did arise from a specific culture/subculture. And while dressing up is kind of fun once in a while, it becomes downright tedious every day of the week. The camp/vamp/tramp has lost her originality and so, my dear, have you. Mascara does not make you larger than life.

Phew. I feel so much better now. I think I have earned myself a latte.