Thursday, May 05, 2005


The Brunette and Lady M popped in for a drink last night. This became dinner. I hastily rustled together scrambled oeufs avec smoked salmon with a green salad and a bone dry white. They looked low and comfort food was called for. I refuse to succumb to fast food (my last Big Mac was consumed in the early 90s) so this was going to have to do. After they left, I got thinking. What is it about Pakistani women (of a certain age and background) that makes them oh-s0-hesitant with making The First Move.
First a little background. Lady M after much pushing, nudging, cajoling and a kick where it hurts had decided to pursue a slightly younger man. He is not worthy of a sidelong glance, but if he turns her on, who am I to complain. The Brunette, on the other hand, has been foolishly encouraging a younger man who has just announced his engagement- to someone else naturalment. I know. I know what you're thinking. And I agree with you. The purpose of this piece is not to trash my friends' choices. That can wait for another occasion. I'm here to look at strategy.
What do I do if someone registers as a blip on my radar ? Being the idiotic research oriented ass that I am, I try doing some homework. This involves casually questioning common friends (easy as we all know that there are only two degrees of seperation in Pakistan), checking out Google (it works!) and generally snooping unabashedly. The next step usually involves enlisting the services of a close common friend to contrive an "event" where the two of us "coincidentally" land up. If all goes well by then (and it doesn't always) I move to step 3 which involves the dinner invitation. And if get by that obstacle with grace, panache and isstyle, then the rest is textbook stuff.
Lets apply my framework to the men being chased by Lady M and the Brunette. The gals have done their homework. Aided and abetted by moi, they have also managed to contrive social situations in which the men in question have been invited over. The problem arrives with stage 3. I have discovered that neither of these swish, dynamic, intelligent women is willing to invite a man alone for dinner. These are women who work, who tell male employees what to do every day of the week. The men in question haven't popped the question and weeks have gone by. Does one drop a man because he isn't taking the next step on Uber's 3 stage seduction plan ? Does one wait interminably forever? The Brunette eventually confessed to going on a drive with her swain where they held hands. Hang on. Held hands? Yikes. Isn't that the kind of thing one did at fifteen ? What's a grown woman doing holding hands in the 21st century ? Or is it just me that's out of sync.
The real issue here is that my friends' are of the considered view that asking (or hinting to be asked) by a man is ...errr..well cheap. Nice girls don't ask guys out. Nice guys do the asking. I think I'm closer to the core of the centre of the nucleus of the problem now. Quite simply: Most Pakistani men don't have what it takes to carry this through. I think, in each case, they like the girls in question, but they don't have the social skills. I hate generalisations but Pakistani men are decidedly wimplike when it comes to these situations. I cannot, for example, think of a good pass that has been made to me by a Pakistani man. These generally rank on a Richter scale of crudity. They (we?) are not bad guys. Just socially deficient. Given these depressing paremeters I am convinced that the only way out of this impasse is for the girls to take a deep breath and suggest dinner. Failing which, they will be holding hands forever.


Blogger s said...

i have no real experience with paki men, except the current boy and i remember his approach was kind of confusing, and i couldn't figure out for ages whether he wanted to be friends or more. thank god for alcohol, because in my slightly drunken state, i made it quite clear that i fancied him (with my pawing and my filthy remarks), so his fear of making the first move was diminished.

but i agree, paki men don't really know how to flirt, and they don't know what to say. one of the reasons why i hadn't ever gone out with a paki is because i've heard the most retarded lines from them, ranging from 'can i see you IN coffee?' to 'hi, i've seen you around (followed by an expectant silence)'.

as for making the first move - i think a lot of the fault lies with the men, and their habit of talking about the girl who made the move or branding her as a slut, or someone who's gagging for it. if either of your friends make the first move, and get turned down, it's quite likely that the next day, 20 paki men would have lined up outside their doors, giving them sleazy, knowing looks, thinking that these girls want 'it'.

oh and body language and flirtation are 'moves' (in a very subtle way) - it's just that pakis seem to lack the ability to pick up on either.

7:18 pm  
Blogger s said...

damn, my comment was almost as long as your post!!!

7:19 pm  
Blogger Uber Homme said...

brilliant....i think i'm going to cut and paste this and send it on the girls. can't give them the website though ...i won't be able to write about them with such gay (sic) abandon :)

10:57 am  
Blogger Sin said...

You're quite right. With the exception of U Mich, I don't think I've ever had a Paki man make a smooth or even halfway tolerable pass at me. But then, are you sure you're not holding everyone up to the high standards of your flight attendant? ;-)

11:19 am  
Blogger Uber Homme said...

STEWARD sin, STEWARD! I've done better. (I think!)

2:15 pm  

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